Notable to Self

Ever wonder why some people fall in love?

The same way to how falling in love is a choice, not falling in love is a choice made as well. There's no middle ground. There's no need to be pedantic about it.

It just is.

When we choose to not fall in love, we become shut-ins to the world. It's like locking ourselves in a small room with nothing but a mirror. When we look at the mirror, we see something beyond our own reflection. You realize the flaws stand out more than your positives. You can't help but notice it, you're just one huge mistake.

We start judging ourselves. Every time we judge ourselves, our ego begins to build up. Every flaw needs to be covered up, no defect must be seen. We begin to nurture more our own pride rather than ourselves. We spend so much time looking at the mirror. We become so afraid to reveal our imperfections.

Sometimes we think we've changed ourselves. But that's because we've patched up our flaws with our ego and covered the scars with pride. We don't become something else.

Instead, we become a version of ourselves that we never wanted to be.

It wasn't change to begin with, it was just a cover up. It was just us putting up a mask. It was just us trying to be presentable.

Don't mistake it for pleasing. No one likes a pleaser, but somehow it gives off the same effect. What we really want is to adapt, to be accepted without people seeing our flaws.

On the other hand, when we choose to fall in love, it's a choice of getting hurt. We need to remove the layers of pride and patches of ego. Let our scars open, let that somebody see our flaws. It's a painful process especially when you've built up too much pride.

We didn't choose to not fall in love because we're not capable of feeling it. We chose it because we're egotistical and we have so much pride.

We don't want to fall in love because we don't want to get hurt. It's always the what-ifs that get to us. We stop with the hypothesis and never carry on with the experiment. We just jump into conclusions and accept they're correct.

There's nothing wrong with being self-aware. However, the consequences of it are huge. We come to a point that we question who we really are and use that as a reason to why we can't fall in love when really, we forgot about our patches and layers. We succumb to finding a non-existent way of knowing ourselves when really the answer is just within us.

We just don't want to get hurt.

Everyone wants to fall in love. That is a fact. Another fact however, is that not everyone is prepared to be modest.

All the true lovers out there, they help each other remove those patches and layers. They're happy because they're not getting hurt alone.

All the hopeless romantics out there, they're used to the pain. Using what remaining ego they have to patch scars that would always open themselves.

All the prideful and egotistics out there, they just continue to put additional layers and patches.

I'll assure you this, things won't get any better. You may be accepted by everyone, but you're just displeasing yourself.